A mournful of December 18. Missing nothing but the Candy.

Dear Candy,
The day, I would be nervous the most has finally arrived. Over a month, I have always been under an impression of regrets to face the December 18. The day when we lost you is lending me score of discomfort. Precisely a year ago, when we switched off for the day, never thought of next morning was not meant for us. Your loss is pain the of lifetime. Its over twelve midnight, sitting closed to your brother Coco and you mom while writing words of my choice to you was never expected. Since you are unimaginably too far from us, my notions in these words can heal our pain.
Love, it’s a year when we destiny snatched you from us. Your mom (of course with wet eyes) trying to remember the whole episode in chronicle manner and I just cheering her one or the other ways. We look into the eyes and smiles of Coco and find you, thus a bit of consolation for us.
Yes, we miss you a lot baby. I still remember the moments, when I used to come from office and manage a hide. You follow my whistle sound for your catch . Your mother misses your morning yawns and your ask for toothpaste on your small toothbrush (which I still have in my shaving kit and carry always with me while I tour) What else my love ! Memories are never ending but strength to mention them never support.
All I can share with you is the first pic of your brother, who would be turning two months of coming 20. Before I burst, let me signed off, come to my dreams.

Stay Connected.
Yous loving Dad
Sudeep Rawat

Candy would have been an answer to Girl Child apathy

Dear Candy,

"It was a patienceful start of the day after a sleepless night, as your mom was getting inside to Operation Theatre (OT) for her second big pariksha (test) of her lifetime. A much awaited moment for every lady before she enters her motherhood, so as for Poonam. The kind of personal unrest and professional change which we had witnessed after your demise, brought both of us into lot of mental stress and inconvenience at large, all I was praying outside OT for a healthy new born soul and safe mother. No matter boy or girl but a ray of hope which could eclipse our so far ‘banawaati’ smile and a solid reason to live more.

Anyway, I am observing reformists globally discussing about girl child/female foeticide. Reading a lot about same Or say watching TV serials based on said subject. Even had been part of same campaign many times. But for a moment outside the OT, I felt a sense of ashamed on being a human who was witnessing a disgrace of new born baby girl. Ohh Candy, We all had never been so cruel on your first breathe, how can be others.

Joining close to me a typical well off Punjabi family eagerly waiting for a result which a mother bearing over a past nine months for twins. As a loud call, broke the silence for Rupinder’s (Operated lady) attendants, anxious family members rush-in for baby twins. Me, standing closeby to OT’s glass pane gate, a nervous lady (someone close relative to Rupinder) in her fifties asked me in her concern, “Munde hoyie ne” (Are they baby boys ??) For a moment, I was just a mute spectator for reading her expectations. Her eyes, as if dying to see a baby boy. “I don’t know. What they are whispering inside, I didn’t realised” I said, Her curiosity continues, and my never ending thoughts on the apathy of those baby girls got a start from there.

Moments later, Rupinder’s mother in law, made it official – that’s a healthy twin girls. Oh no !!! Why such a silence than. And that mentioned lady burst into tears, which I am sure she never before. How bad !!! I seen such cry on someone demise but what is this. Is that the kind of welcome that those tiny souls were expecting on their arrival? Her never ending tears, silence in the Rupinder’s camp, no sign of celebrations suggested me that people across the world shouting for Girl Child campaign is actually a defeated purpose.

Dear Candy, I was just a helpless soul out there in middle. Feeling so bad for Rupinder (who is a lady) who delieved two lives (female), doctors (ladies) who put their lifelong experience to bring a new arrival in this beautiful world, and for again those (ladies) outside OT who came for a hope.

Tell me Candy, how much you have been so favourite of all, as long you lived. On a single glimpse of yours, one turns fan of yours. Many clicked/shoot you, Many posed with you, everyone kissed/hugged you, you still rule many screensavers, albums. Don’t know what all. Still many disheart when they got to know about your demise. You had been such a delight for everyone, wherever your parents been, introduced you with a sense of pride and dignity. I still recollect comments on you as “our would be miss india”.

We both always had a sense of pride to carry a “girl child” i.e. you, which I doubt, if your brother Coco succeed to deliever.

Stay Connected"

Your loving Dad

Sudeep Rawat

Candy is back in form of Coco

Dear Candy,
“Sorry, I know, I am writing to you after around five months gap, but for a reason, I have got someone who is now helping me in regaining my writing strength. Yes, your brother Coco, sleeping just adjacent to me in your mom’s room at GMCH 32. Your photo frame on the side table kept inviting, as if you inspiring “Write Papa, Write Papa. Start addressing me”. So, here I am with my words for you love.
It was a much awaited morning after a sleepless night for both of us. Poonam anxiously waiting for series of injections and dripping before surgery without having her breakfast. It was the same private ward of the said hospital where last time Poonam recovered with her first pregnancy in 2007. I have no option but to sooth her with pleasant devotional songs buzzing out of my laptop. Candy, sometime, I feel so sorry for your mother, who bears the pains of end number of injections and other form of piercing to compensate your absence. Every pain from her senses, kills me. But she, infact is a brave lady, manages. There was no curiosity, no further discussions concerning boy or girl. By heart I was expecting a baby girl, as we want to see our own Candy again in form of a baby girl. Your albums preserved in my laptop gives us little time to ease off. I tend to be too strong, but for a moment felt so week to control my tears. Your every frame with us, really counts. We think of you everyday but today your remembrance everywhere.
So, a boy or a girl - In my own personal opinion, it hardly cost us. I was discussing with Poonam, A girl has to go her bride’s native like you whereas I can foresee circumstances down the line 25 to 30 years later from now, when a son would leave his parents for the better avenues. Sometime I rues on myself despite of our love and affection with each other, I barely 500 metres away from my parents home, not living with them, settled in my own lifestyle. Over the last three years, I defined my own routine, no parental control on me, thus leading a royal routine or say Break free. My predictions suggest, we also play a sensible parents to leave Coco in his own lifestyle.
Outside Operation Theatre, it a moment like which I never went before neither I would again. I have never been so nervous even before any house test/examination or say…. my interview at Airtel. My anxious moments last for 90 minutes which would truly be unforgettable in lifetime. Chatting on my Blackberry or SMSing fails to kill that time. Last time when Candy was born in March 2007, I was having chill out in Mehli Mounts (Shimla), somewhere in the middle of my business. But now, as if time want to test my patience. And when, a loud call for Poonam’s attendants dominates the hospital crowd, seems like soothers for my ears. I just want know Poonam’s well being. “Yes, she is OK. Here’s your baby” said the nurse. Cool and calm soul, with winking eyes, weighting as like cotton roll bundle in pinkish look never cried. Gender hardly bothers me. Ohh !!! That’s baby boy after glueing Coco’s downside portion. His hold in my arms was a much awaited relief which we missing every since you left us love. Warmth of an “own” baby hard to narrate, describe but can only be feel.
Thank You Poonam of bearing pain and Candy please continue to bless you little brother from up there.
Stay Connected”
Your’s loving Dad
Sudeep Rawat

Diwali Celebrations continues for Rawats, as they regained lost parenthood

Chandigarh, October 20, 2009 : The birth of a new baby marks the end of year long nightmare for Rawats, as they today blessed a baby boy. 29, Sudeep, a journalist turned PR professional thrilled with joy when his wife 27, Poonam delivered a healthy baby boy this morning at 1100 hours by one hour long operation in a state run GMCH 32 Hospital at Chandigarh. Sources reveals that boy is normal (3 kg) and both kept in a private ward who, continue to be there for a day or two.
The second issue, thus brought a reason to smile for four years old married turned mourned couple after the tragic loss of their daughter Candy in last December 2008. 19 months Candy passes away due to food pipe blockage on a breakfast table during Sudeep’s last stint at Himachal Pradesh. Since than, the couple recovered quite well and waiting anxiously for the new arrival. Sudeep has referred this moment as “Return of the Candy”.

“Yes, I am Man of the Moments, as I have regained my lost fatherhood. I am sure Coco would give me more strength me in my life to perform well.” Signs off Sudeep.

Invitation for you my love

“Dear Candy,
This morning, I received a call from a landline number all the way from Dharamsala (HP). I usually hesitate to attend the call on my Airtel HP number (which I retained after my transfer to Chandigarh) knowing the fact that I am cursing roaming since last five months. You know what my love !!! That call catered an invitation for you by those who turned out to be your fan for a moment, the organizers I mean. I actually overwhelmed for a while when I learnt about the Baby Show Competition which is being under the aegis of Kangra Valley Summer Festival and the organizers were continuously trying to get in touch with me. Finally they got their man but not their participant.

Candy, what a moment that was, when me, Poonam and you attired in their best made it to that Baby Show venue. I still preserve those pics and video (though that was the toughest job assigned by your mom for me to have maximum pics and lengthy videos from handycam as I can). I won’t like to recount those moments just for the sake of filling that ongoing blog. All I can say that was one of the glorious moment of my lifetime witnessing own daughter in this form of a beauty pageant.

You rocked the stage that times my love which resulted yet another invitation for this edition. I was just a mute spectator while attending call to listen all the details of upcoming Baby Show and wishing all new wannabe participants that don’t leave your parents in lurch.

But dear you Stay connected”

Your loving Dad
Sudeep Rawat

Yet another world beyond Airtel.

Dear Candy,
"How are you ‘up there.’ I know it had been an over a month, ever since I briefed you. My apologies love. You too, must be missing your dad. Right ?? The delay was for a reason which I wanted to share with you in my lasts blogs but my professional commitment level seems to be much much higher than the personal one. Hardly managed to get time for blogging.
Anyway…. I am a happy and satisfied today which I was never before. Ask why ?? Love, against the all odds, opposition and giving thumbs down to mounting recession, I have resigned from my 2.5 old family. Yes Airtel. And believe me, I am feeling damn satisfied and from now I am looking way ahead for a new inning. After your demise, your mother never feel like coming to HP, neither I forced her. And eventually lend my transferr to Chandigarh with a different profile, which was not of my liking. But interestingly that unwanted liking continued for a quarter (three months). Today, this evening while drafting my adieu mail, I was actually rewinding my good and bad days of Airtel where you share our major portion. Ohh Love, A for Aarushi and A for Airtel, both are not with me. Sad part.

Your dad in all form of life, believed in driving things rather dragging. And this was the prime reason for leaving Airtel. I was really not enjoying, (though performance was satisfactory) the kind of sales profile, which I never thought of doing in my lifetime. Two reasons – my career and my ethics didn’t allow me to continue with Airtel. I had never been so enthusiastic in sales and always fear of being messing up my career and posing a 'threat' for my own good team. Ethics. Yes, your dad always tried to push ethics even in corporate world. Ethically, it would be shame on me, If I sitting on a sales profile, again dragging things (instead of driving), thus not giving a chance to someone who actually more deserving than me. Earning hefty amount of salary in this manner which Sudeep Rawat never believes. Moreover, Sales was not meant for me in a long term. At the end of the days, felt so satisfied to see smile on Sumit’s face, whom I gave handover some days ago.
Love, I am proud to lend a little portion of my life to India’s largest mobile company, also to the major portion of their telecom market i.e. HPHP Circle. I have seen every colours of Corporate culture in Airtel, which by and large badly hit me. One major merger of HP, three transfers and one personal loss of you was more than enough to shake me. But love your dad have enough strength to perceive yet another world beyond Airtel.
To share with you little boldly..I am on the verge of floating my own venture. Yes, another world beyond Airtel awaits me.
Stay connected"
Your loving Dad
Sudeep Rawat

Happy Birthday Candy.

Dear Candy,
"Exactly a year ago, at the moment, I was busy in making a different kind of arrangements which I did never before. Celebrating first birthday of a daughter is a lifetime delight. Today, March 5, on the occasion of your second birthday, I can only gift you this blog and tones of kisses to your frames placed at my bedside, above TV screen, Walls and even on my laptop screen saver. Happy Birthday - My Love.
I am sure my remembrance of your one and only Birthday celebrations won’t be fad. A handful of guests on your last celebrations at our newly transferred placed at Dharamsala last spring continue to rule my minds. My lovely kiddo looks damn gorgeous in her new dress brought by her mom. Kalsang Tsering my Tibetan friend from Mcloedganj, one of the guests of that day is still not aware of your absence. His "khatta" (a typical tibetan white scraf for someone's honour and well bring) on the ocassion didnt worked out. Your mom is known for her hospitality and for that day, too, she was a perfect host and cook. Gave her best to host a dinner and kept me on rolls for all arrangements through out the day.
Candy, Best I can do to satisfy your soul was to feed unknown children of this beautiful world. I know my expense against donating few kilograms of Dal, Atta, Chaawal, other form of cereals, sweets and nominal cash to a nearby orphanage seemed little as what we planned for your second birthday celebrations, but love we both felt highly satisfied withis act. Lord bless those unknown children for long.
Love, your mom has decided, your day won’t go begging like usual day. Candy II or Coco would have a privilege to slice the cake on your behalf. Amennnn.

Be happy in your world.

&
Stay Connected"

Your loving Dad

Sudeep Rawat